What if Trump was an Initiated Leader?

image by tylertwo

This week the Trump administration sent out an order for missile strikes in Syria.  With no concrete plan on what to do after these attacks and no willingness to attempt to resolved conflicts peacefully, the Trump administration is scrambling to figure out next steps.  Meanwhile many victims are left critically injured or dead, and many more are at risk for what may happen next. I cannot help but feel the collective humanity is harmed by these actions.   These aggressive actions in violation of international law seem like a clear indicator of an uninitiated president. 

What happens to an adult who is not brought into adulthood in a conscious way? 

There is an African proverb that says, if you do not initiate your young men into the tribe, they will come back and burn down the village just to feel the heat. 

I cannot help but wonder if sending out these missile strikes are a form of self initiation. If Trump is blowing things up to feel the impact he has on the world?  

The fact of the matter is that all human beings crave to be seen, to be acknowledged for what they can bring, and to have a community support their gifts.  For most people today, this is not a part of their world.  When an individual does not know who they are and how powerful what they can do in this world could be, they still know there is something inside of them that needs to come out.  They still crave to exercise there ability to have some impact, some influence, on the world.  

We all crave the big act of initiation, we all crave the community to see us and for us to have an impact, because this validates our existence.  The lack of initiatory passages leave individuals up to their own devices, they exercise their power however they can. If we are not seen, we create ways to be seen. We come to practice control over rather than connection with.  And the screams of those who suffer these actions echo in the hearts of all of humanity, for the grief in the ways we have let our fellow humans fall so far from the path of our nature. 

We can carry a storm in us that changes the seasons, but we forget that the tumultuous snow and rains always have the ability to offer the earth restoration in some way, a new growth that the world can benefit from, rather than fear.

When an uninitiated individual runs a county, this has tremendous impacts in our global community.  Wars are created. Villages burn down.  Who is feeling the heat?  How long with the restoration take?

If led by initiated individuals, a sense of purpose would be felt and known by the individual and the collective that supports and surrounds that person and the greater world.

We live in interesting times, as we continually quote this Chinese proverb.  Immigration and human rights violations, global warming, missile strikes, advanced technology, suicide and shooting incidents, rising depression and anxiety rates, the ability to communicate globally and the inability to connect with the person right in front of us. We know so much in any given moment, yet we know so little about ourselves.  In the mystery of the future and the mysterious nature of our world, may we find healthy ways to connect with how we can live in this state of mystery and may we move toward initiating our people in healthy ways, so that they can be seen and the world will be better for it.

Join Oaks Counsel next weekend for a council circle on Addressing Our Times, acknowledging the mystery and contemplating our place in it.

Getting Comfortable with Discomfort

There is a Celtic tale about a warrior giant named Mac Lir who came back from battle to fing that the woman he loved had died while he was away.  With a broken heart, he grieved her deeply.  His tears would not stop.  Thus, creating an ocean around him.  His mother, Macha, not wanting her son to suffer any longer, turned him to stone to stop him from experiencing the terrible grief of this loss.  This transformation to stone, lead him to be stuck, solid in the middle of the ocean of his own tears, unable to feel or move anymore, stopping him from becoming the leader her was meant to become.  The mother, of coarse, had good intentions.  She wished her child to feel better and found that the way to do this is to prevent feeling emotions all together.

We all have played the role of this mother, blocking emotions or uncomfortable situations that feel like they may be too much if we really let ourselves feel them.  How and when did we become so intolerant to discomfort? 

Every year I go out to fast on the land to meet this discomfort.  Not only do I find myself devoid of creature comforts, no food, no shelter and no company.  But this is a vehicle to invite in the meeting of parts of myself I have been ignoring or avoiding for the fear of the discomfort it would evoke.  In this, I begin to give full attention to the shame, the grief, the anxiety and depression.  I sit with them in the heat, the wild wind, the cold nights, the rain, the scary noises, the self-generated ceremonies, the appearance of elk or woodpecker at just the needed time, the bee that won’t leave me alone, or the cloud that looks suspiciously like a lion, and the beavers flipping their tails in the water at night and because lion is on my mind I cannot sleep, and the constantly devising of plans for how I will call for help if something attacks yet waiting for the attack none-the-less.   I don’t do this because it’s comfortable.  I do this because it’s important. All parts of me need attention, even the parts that are wildly scary and distressing to meet. 

Why doesn’t our culture have Rites of Passage practices any more? 

Is it for this very reason?  It’s too uncomfortable?

Is it why we drink or use drugs to not feel and we can’t stop because it would bring up this discomfort over and over again?  Is it why we come to experience the absence of emotions, leading to our epidemic high depression rates? Is it why we so easily have come to rely on taking pills rather than tolerate the discomfort of our feelings? Is it why we constantly state “I just want to be happy,” but cannot understand why it feels impossible to get to.  Is it why we lack attention to our teens and elders because we cannot tolerate the discomfort they exude and speak of? 

One of the many elements of Rites of Passage ceremonies is The Ordeal.  The Ordeal or Trial is not comfortable.  In cultures across the world, this ordeal can vary from circumcision, to wearing bull-ant gloves for a period of time, to an intensive study of a culture’s stories so that alone the person can present what they learned to the community.  None of this sounds comfortable, all present a challenge.  An ordeal offers the individual a marking of the transition they face in their lives and provides a severance of the old life toward an initiation into the next phase of life.  If we don’t do this, if we don’t meet these uncomfortable places how will we know what we are capable of?  How will we grow up and becoming who we are meant to become?  How will we find out and feel into our purpose?  Will be ever become adults?  Or will we stay a society of children?

Let’s face it, being human is not comfortable! And as long as we strive to stay comfortable, can we really say we are embodying our human nature?

Mac Lir, taken out of his stone spell, without a doubt felt through the discomfort of his grief, transformed by it, became the Sea God he was meant to be.  Our tears lift our boat to new places.  We need these uncomfortable feelings in order to grow and become who we are meant to be.

Acknowledging our culture and what would be considered an Ordeal for our modern world and way of living, Oaks Counsel offers an invitation to explore these places.  Check out our programs and nature-based practices to learn more.

Craving yet Avoiding Community

Lately I have been hearing a lot about how lonely people feel.  Parents who spend all day with their children feeling unseen and unheard, individuals living in rural landscapes for the beauty but lacking the connections they crave, even those that live in the city, surrounded by people but doing most things alone from daily meals to walks and watching a movie.  We are more connected than ever in our global technological world, yet our connections are not feeding us, we are craving more.

Gathering in circle with a group of women last weekend, we all spoke of wanting more of this connection.  One spoke of making it a monthly coming together, some plaintive and some excited yeses arouse, and almost instantly came all the reasons that won’t work. “Summers are hard.”  “Sometimes I have to work.”  “I’ll be out of town a lot.”  “Sundays are tough…”  I cannot help but wonder, if we crave this so much, why do we not prioritize it?  And if we don’t prioritize it, are we not creating the very loneliness we speak about. 

Mothers are raising children alone!  Fathers are busy working to support them, not doing what truly makes their heart sing for the prioritizing of money and family needs.   And children, crave the company of their electronics more and more as instant gratification grows to be of utmost importance. Good beautiful thoughtful people sit alone on Saturday nights, too exhausted from the week of work and unable to bring themselves to have one more conversation that lacks depth and meaning.  What are we doing here?  Are we afraid of this?  Are we missing the point of living with this world together? We are not mean to live this way.

How have circles of coming together to share what is truly in our hearts and souls, to be heard and seen no matter what, left our daily and cultural lives?

Or, is it possible that, we would feel lonely no matter what, is this the way of things in our current era? And is this a statement of being unable to support and sit with our many differences.

Have we lost the knowing of how something a simple as sitting and listening to each other can make a HUGE difference? 

I feel lonely almost all the time, mostly because I feel different, and misunderstood, and because so often things I say are twisted into something I never meant, depending on the person I am talking to. But when I sit in circle, I don’t get the, “I understand.”, or “I feel that.” or “Maybe you should try…”  I just get to speak and listen from the heart.  I get to feel myself provoked and come alive by your story, and I get to hear how my story struck a cord in you.  I get to discover purpose and who I am in the spirit of the community and process of being seen.  Through Council, I am forever changed by the sharing of stories.  Stories, that on the surface can seem unrelated, yet in the being with (rather than doing something about), taps into the depth and mythology of the human experience, that I do not get anywhere else.

This is an experience I hope we are all willing to make more of a priority; over work, or errands or emails or allegiance to just one person to hold us completely when we could have a collective to take off some of the weight on one person.  We need community to hold us to our personal and collective stories, it is why we crave it so much.     Life changes us, phases of life move us through passages, and if we do it this alone, if we lack the witnesses to our experiences, can we be sure it’s really happening?

Join Oaks Counsel for our many programs or nature-based offerings to experience community and connection.

Humility Rites

I have been thinking a lot about humility.  It began in community, I found myself among a variety of artist who were asked to answer the question of, “what is the process of creativity?”  The answer for me was humility and I expressed it by coming to my knees in surrender.  I recalled a ceremony years ago, of trudging up a river against it’s fast flowing current, and finding this act easier than letting go to float back down river.  I would practice again and again.  Always popping my head up, bringing my mid-section to sink, unsure of the surrender.  This was an important practice I continue to learn from.

I ask myself what is humility and what is the process of humbling?  Becoming humble tends to happen when we realize what we thought we knew so strongly and with certainty is actually not true.  Most of the time this realization is related to the big “who am I” question.  It is the process of our ego being cut down.  Our sense of self, challenged, suddenly and reluctantly needing to transform.  Who we think we are, is not necessary true.  It is in the moments of creativity, shame, wild adversities or great unexpected kindnesses that lead us to grapple with the sense of who we are.  Often we fight or seek ways to recover a sense of self that can no longer exist; when the invitation is one of humility rites.  In these moments, we are being asked to approach a ceremony of discovering we are not the godly figures we think we are, we are humans.  Realizing of our humanness is often a difficult lesson to learn. 

We read the stories of heroes and heroines, thinking we need to live up to that image of the warrior not realizing that in the process of finding our humility, in loosing everything we think we know about ourselves, in stepping into an abyss we cannot know how we will get out of, in the dying to ourselves, we already are those heroes and heroines!   In this process of humbling we become reborn into someone more authentic and connected to purpose.  As we go through life we participate in a ceremony of losing ourselves and parts of ego again and again.  This is not easy.  How we approach it can make a difference.  Most importantly, they way we meet this task can contribute to how connected or alone we feel in our journey.

What if we intentionally stepped into humility?  What if we came to the land or sat by a tree or stood in the sun and truly let go, feeling the humanity of our being?  What if we learned from the trees that let go of leaves annually, and the canyons that erode as the wind blows, and the clouds that break for the rain to be released?  What if we let what was meant to work through us come, no matter the discomfort?  What if we didn’t fight changes with ego but rather with courage?  What if we could bring ourselves to the point of surrender, of giving up a battle, in order to find the reserves we did not know we had, in order to find our true selves?  In this way would be not come to a more peaceful resolution? Would we come to realize how truly connected we are to the community of all things?  What if we met changes with more purpose?  The humility of this experience offers us our holiness/wholeness.   

I invite you to practice: go out, humbly.  Bow to everything you meet.   Only than can we really build each other up to know what we know.

Join Oaks Counsel for one of our many programs and nature-based experiences to step into Humility Rites, by meeting life changes through nature experiences.

Is life getting harder?

As children, we may have looked at our care-taking adults and thought nothing of it, they simply did all they did (work, family, community, interests, homeowner and life tasks) because that’s what they did.  I remember coming home from school, doing homework, maybe going out to play with friends or on my own, having dinner and watching TV with my brother till bedtime.  I also remember my mom coming home from work around the time I was playing and she would check the mail, wash dishes from earlier in the day, make dinner, clean up after dinner, get us to bed, make our lunches for tomorrow, hopeful have her own relaxing time with my dad, who also came home form work and had more work to do around the house, maintaining where we live to be safe and comfortable.  Often times, I felt lonely and wishing for more time with my parents, but understanding the limited time they had.  Waiting for weekends for soccer or basketball in the yard with dad and shopping or walking around the block with mom.  Today, I wonder why and how we do these things we do, lacking connection, lacking community, busying ourselves to no end.  The way my parents did is is not what today's people are wanting or needing.

Humans have this innate desire to reproduce, to create family and children; and with this often comes the desire to make life better for those who come after us.  Even as members of a community without children of our own, it is hard to not think about the generation that follows and what we have left for them to inhere tint his world. The strange thing is, that now, in our current era, somehow, and for the first time in our existence, we have come to make life harder, rather than easier, for the generations that follow. 

Young people today are facing increasing difficulty in moving into healthy adults.  Our systems are not supporting us anymore.  We are seeing closing of government systems, an increase in national debt, a significant decline in living standards and increased rates of unemployment.  We are facing the reproductions of abusing the natural environment, climate change, increased human made and natural disasters, and the fragmentation and disconnection of people form others.  We are seeing lives not only get harder but more unhappy, anxiety and depression reaching all time highs.

Life is getting harder.

And those who can best steer us into a new direction are exactly those we stigmatize: teens and elders.  Both close to death in their own unique life phase way, actual or metaphorical.  Our elders bring perspective of how life is meant to be lived, what they wish they spent more or less time doing, what they have come to understand as the most important elements of life.  And our youth bring forward ideas of change, the life they dream of living.  Both bring messages of how what is happening now, doesn’t work!

As adults, it is our job and privilege to listen to these messages, and invite in the new.  It is our failure as adults to tell the youth and the elders they are wrong and this is the way things are, they have to “get real”.  In saying this, we are closing off parts of ourselves as well as these essential parts of our community.   If we really stop to feel this truth, how can we not feel sad? 

Our youth are calling for a rite of passage!  It is the purpose of our youth to do so! And the purpose of our adults to guide and invite this process, not ignore it and continue our business as usually, hoping they will join or someday understand this daily grind.  When we hear them arguing every point, asking questions of why, feeling wildly uncomfortable inside and it coming out in behaviors that are hard to manage…then, we must listen, because they are giving us a clear message of “Now.”  Now they are ready for change, for a passage to something new.  There is wisdom in our youth.  Internal and external youth, even the youth inside ever adult, that has yet to experience an initiation, are screaming out for change, screaming out to be heard by the community and recognized and invited in to share their gifts with the larger community.

The task is to face this ordeal head on, this discomfort, this call for change inside of each of us, this is a need for ourselves and the world we live in.  When we meet it, fears and grief, joys and ideas and hopes, all of it is welcome in the realization of what we are capable of, only then can we offer the gift we are meant to offer to this world.  Only then, can we come find a way to make life easier for the now and the generations to come. 

So I ask you, are we making life harder by not listening?  And, if so, what are we willing to do about it?  Are we willing to listening to message of the generations before and behind us?  Are we willing to step into a humanity wide rite of passage?

Oaks Counsel is inviting all generations to participate in being heard in order to step into change.  Check out our offerings at programs and nature-based healing to move into wholeness and the next phase of your life.

The Purpose of Ceremony

An interesting question arose the other day.  It was such a simple and honest inquiry that stuck with me, offering an opportunity for contemplation.  The question:  Why do people love ritual/ceremony? 

Truly, there is something wildly magical that happens when we intentionally burn something or be with water or rock or trees, when we declare some statement with all of ourselves and then take a walk with purpose, when we bury something or someone, when we read an ancient story in front of our community that hears our voice, when we make a promise to someone with all our heart, when we go out with a seemingly impossible task and come back having completed it, when we creating something or put something we feel into physical form, when we interact with nothing but earth and self for 4 days and nights without food, company or shelter, and when our loved ones or dear friends see us through these moments.

I believe there are 4 important reasons why we love ritual and ceremony.

1. Ritual and ceremony help us to acknowledge something, some transition that we are experiencing and ready to step into, some learning of the past that is being embraced so that we can come forward into something new---a new understanding, a new life phase, a new relationship to self, other or world.  The psyche craves markings and ritual, an offering, a marking to note our evolution, our growth. 

2. Ceremony links us to community.  In this rugged individualistic society, as we aspire to “do it on my own,” we can often forget we are part of something much bigger. It is important to remember that each individual contributes to a greater culture: be it family, classroom, institution, community, and ecosystem. We are not alone, even if we feel like we are.  Through ritual, done alone or with people, we acknowledge individual development as it promotes the survival of the people and the world.  Ceremony is meant to be witnessed, through storytelling or actual observation; ritual is a practice of seeing self, other and nature.  In the witnessing we become bound to the experience and the people that saw us through it, the connection made holds us to contribute to the future of the whole.  We are empowered as a vital force in the communities we are part of.  Honoring each other and celebrating our truth with each other invites us to not only to accept but also find meaning in our experiences. 

3. Ceremony grounds experiences in the parts of us that are often marginalized.  Through ritual we loose sense of time and logic.  We access a state that allows us to explore our inner selves; we move beyond our everyday reality into timelessness, feeling, playfulness, suspended disbelief.  These very important parts of self are not given the attention needed to experience ourselves as whole.  Ceremony also gets us into our body, adding movement and action to our intention; embodying intention allows us to access a knowing that we can always return to.

4. It is in our DNA.  Through anthropology and archeology, we know that ritual dates back 100,000+ years.  It simply a big part of what it means to Be.  We can’t help but feel ourselves enter an altered stated at the beating of a drum, the sight of a dancing fire and the silent glitter of the night sky, a metaphor come to life.  All of who we are becomes engaged in this expression.  Ceremony is central to the experience of being human.

Please Join Oaks Counsel for a free introductory event discussing how you can bring more ceremony into your life.  Saturday, March 11th,  10am-11am, at the "The Garage" 501 Kathryn Ave.  Santa Fe, NM.  Hope to see you there!

The Winds of Anxiety

windy miller by squacco

The winds are coming as spring approaches.  And the winds, strong and adamant, speak to us of our own blowing, sweeping and wild thoughts. 

What am I to do?  This is the question of anxiety.  Buddhist philosophy comments on anxiety as a state of being in the future, which is ultimately made up in our minds, and that the focus must be finding our way constantly back to the here and now.  Some suggest that boredom is a mask for anxiety, coming out of not knowing what to do with ourselves.  (When we turn to our phones in moments of aloneness, are we bored or anxious?)   Anxiety can also be a sign of a highly imaginative and active brain that has no checks and balances, going to all sort of creative scenarios that can lead to many terrifying/exciting outcomes leading to other possibilities of what one would do in all cases.  It’s an endless choose your own adventure bed-time story that keeps you up all night.

The truth of the matter is, no matter what, feeling anxious is not something we aim to feel.  So what is happening when so many of us are finding ourselves in this tight spot, tensed in our bodies by our own thoughts? 

Something important is missing.

When we are caught in anxiety, we are exaggerating just one part of ourselves.  This is a part of ourselves that can be considered the worried adult preparing for the worst and working hard to ensure all things go smoothly

Let us look at the story of The Bird Who Knew Too Much : The Bird worried about everything, leading to misery.  The Bird was advised to accept uncertainty and then began to connect to the senses of the body.  Suddenly, the Bird was able to hear the song of the other birds and see and feel the forest’s beauty.  The Bird became awake to other parts of self. 

Anxiety keeps me up at night, it causes me to wake up earlier than I want to, and the stress at times is unbearable.  These perseverating thoughts are exhausting.  Worsts of all, it prevents me from seeing who entirety of the world.  The best way I do this is through nature.  In the natural world, I don’t know what will happen, when the hummingbird will swoop through, when the beaver will flop its’ tail, when the wind will blow.  To connect to our human nature is to find a way of getting comfortable with ambiguity.  When stepping into this unknown, I accept the magic in each moment.  And instantly, I find myself in my body, not my brain.  I hear, I see, I feel, and I play.  Here is where the greatest healing of anxiety happens. 

Of course, the time of body and play cannot last forever.  In time, we will be propelled into the big question: who am I?  This part of self is as essential as that of the brain, the mysterious, and the body.  This is the part of soul, emotion, depth. It’s not about doing, it’s about being.  In the dark moments, the boring moments, that mask our anxiety, can we stay, and in it find our unique purpose.  Then, we can be informed, and only then we can begin to act, from purpose. Anxiety decreases, our gift comes through, what we are to offer this world is present and known, without doubt or second thought, with focus and intention.  This is how we really heal anxiety:  let go of doing, connect to uncertainty, the body, the “who am I” and your unique purpose in this world.  Nature is our greatest ally in this process. 

Oaks Counsel can guide you in this practice.  Join us this summer in Santa Fe, New Mexico for a small taste of this experience through our summer programs for teens, young adults and adults.

You Are Needed

By now, we have all heard of the Chinese proverb, “May you live in interesting times,” especially as we watch so many changes come to be with our nation’s new president, so much seems to be “interesting”.  And if you heard this phase, you also know that, seemingly a blessing, this statement is more of an invocation of danger and turbulent times.

This week we continue to watch the mistreatment of immigrants escalate and the response of protesters rise in the aim to reveal the importance of every person in our nation.

The nation is experiencing a rite of passage.  Two important elements of rites of passage include an ordeal and the question “who am I?”  Both these elements propel an individual, a community, a nation, a tree, a bird, an ecosystem into something new.  The order doesn’t matter, as long as the essence of these elements are present, you can be assured an initiation is occurring.  

The ordeal:  One simple needs to read the headlines to see the distress of the world in this moment.  Psychological warfare, growing rifts with between nations, difficulty deciphering truth form lie, scandals, bio-terrorism, battles of people and battles of nature and battles of people about nature. The ordeal is here.  Everyday we seem to wonder “what’s next?” in that exasperated anticipation of the “straw that will break the camel’s back” way.

The Question, “Who am I?”:  There is no doubt the this state of the nation is bringing to life this question inside of us.  The trouble with times like these is that labels emerge.  We move into our labels as a means to defend ourselves from dangerous or in order to feel protected in some collective shared experience.  We label ourselves democrat or republican, Trump supported or protester, feminist or misogynist, racist or rights-activist.  As we were growing more global we suddenly found ourselves identifying more strongly with these labels that only bring us into smaller communities.  These labels alone have no “good” or “bad” value in and of themselves, yet they can be so easily simplifying and stereotyped, to the point that they say absolutely nothing about who we are!  We forget that this question, “Who am I?” is so profoundly and simultaneously individualistic and global, nothing about the answer can be stereotyped or simplified. 

Forget “interesting” and all it’s underlying meanings, as a nation we are in an important time.  The ordeal is here, we are moving from adolescence to adulthood, Who are you? Who are we? Individually and as a collectively.  What gifts do each of us bring to the whole?  Can we begin to answer this question by truly identifying our unique contribution?  And in doing so, we can come to recognize there is not a single person in this world that is not needed.  We are all significantly important.  Without you the world would be distinctly different.  Each person is singularly needed for the whole to function.  The importance of this time is about what you bring to whole by being who you are. And that we all come to celebrate what that is.  It is you rite to answer this question in you at this important time and it is the rite of the world to celebrate the answer that comes. We wouldn't be able to this living in this world thing without you.

What Part of My Story Strikes a Cord in Your Story?

I have long wondered what is so powerful about sitting in a circle and talking about my unique story while you talk about your unique story.  This is not just some conversation; in this process of storytelling we can reach much greater depth than any other communication.

By day, I find myself as an elementary school counselor for the public schools.  This past week, I sat in circle with a 5th grade class, 9-10 year olds, known to be behaviorally challenging.   Many young men practicing defiance while other students get lost in the mix and seem to feel somewhat traumatized by their chaotic surroundings.  I explained the practice of counsel, 7 important tenets for sitting in circle together.  1.) Speak from the Heart2.) Listen from the Heart3.) Being lean of speech4.) Confidentiality5.) Spontaneity 6.) Leaning into the skid when things get tough7.) The importance of the talking piece.  (I explain these this silly analogies and goofy hand gestures for the kids to remember).  And then we began.  I ask them about their experience of cruelty and kindness, raising their hands they let me know if they every experienced these things.  And then we shared our stories of cruelty first.  I spoke about when I was a bully to someone, how it made me feel and what I got out of it.  And around the talking piece went.  I listened in the circle, the stories truly sad in nature, I heard boys resorting to violence when being picked on by others, I heard girls experience hostile family dynamics, I heard all the children express hurt by others in the classroom.  The piece returned to me.  I began to express my sadness about how they are with each other and my reaction to the theme of their stories.  Silence fell over the group.

We began a circle sharing stories of kindness. I began with my story of two people who were tremendously kind to me in the most difficult time of my life.  The piece went around. In these moments, the group shifted, nearly every child began to cry as they shared the story of someone in their life that offered a gesture of love or friendship.  I saw how one story affected everyone; empathy filled the space, for maybe the first time in their time together. The rock returned to me, also with tears in my eyes, I expressed my wonder for what it is inside us brings tears to us, and what in us that might believe we do not deserve kindness and how does this effect the way we are with each other.  The group grew quiet.  Our stories resonated in the silence.  Tissues passed around the entirety of the circle, compassionately honoring each other and the stories we shared. 

It is immensely powerful to listen and share stories without the need for a response or interpretation, the nature of the group does it everything that is needed.  To hear how your story tugs a string in my story, can change me forever.

Rite of Reflection

We live in an ever-fast paced world.  I don’t know about you but I can hardly keep up with my emails, personal and work emails included.  And I know it’s really bad when I am not even able to keep up with text messages!  How did we get here? What are the repercussions of such a fast passed world that requests and even demands that we respond timely when there is no time?  It feels nearly impossible to feel adequate.  And how do we aim for something much more worthwhile, something way beyond adequate, something like competent, capable, and fulfilled?  How can be our full selves when bogged down this these calls for response?

No one is acknowledging all we do, not even ourselves.  Is this because there is always more we can do or because we are lacking the fundamental need to reflect on our actions and being? (Don’t even get me started on how this brings up doing vs. being, another discussion entirely.) Sometimes, I come home and find it hard to even muster up the energy to talk to a friend or take my dog for a walk.  And who among us have not sat in a public place and looked around to see everyone on some device, or sitting with a friend who just “needs” to respond to a text immediately rather than be with you to truly reflect on the day.  I continue to be in wonder about how we came to feel we have less time when we all have these gadgets that are meant to offer us more time?  How can we possible see each other when the world is this way?

I sat in circle with others in the height of this feeling this past week.  And in the sharing, it occurs to me that the need is not for more time, but for reflection time.  This is an essential part of initiation: Time to reflect.  How long can we last sitting alone with ourselves, and even more significant a question, how comfortable can we do this if actually given the opportunity?  This is an important practice; to get comfortable with the discomfort this era faces in disconnecting from everything to connect to ourselves more deeply.   How often do we intend to create time for ourselves only to be hijacked by a call, a text, an email, a thought of a “must do” task? 

Reflection as a practice has left many of us.  Without reflect we are just moving forward in our lives, rather than growing more conscious through each movement. Rite of Passage offers this, reflection time, getting real with ourselves, meeting ourselves in the truth of what has occurred, what is current, and what is calling us forward. To step into this world as an initiated person, we must be willing to reflect; reflection can carry us forward to show up, not as merely adequate but as capable, conscious, fully ourselves people. 

Relationship Rites of Passage

Relationships change all the time.   When we commit to someone, as a parent or a partner or friend, we expect some sense of consistency.  However, loss in relationship occurs all the time, things shifts and can no longer be what they use to be.  The question is, how do we face these changes and losses?  Most of the time, we just trudge on, adjusting by ignoring or checking out; sometime we face the shift with lots of resistance, kicking and screaming, or in the adult version complaining and expressing frustration in all the ways we do—walking out, rolling our eyes, lying, cheating, spying, laughing at another’s emotions, reaching for the wine bottle, the list goes on. (I’m being polite in these examples.)  All these ways of facing change make us smaller, not challenging us to show up in our truth or the truth of the matter. 

A relationship that meant a lot me, changed this week.  I found myself being lured into these patterns of avoidance, “Come on Michelle, just watch Netflix all day, you can’t feel this, it’s too much.”  I couldn’t believe how much this thought couldn’t see the courage and strength and reliance inside of me.  Changes change us, if we are brave enough to acknowledge the change and ourselves.  I moved with the change, gathered my firewood and built my pyramid of wood in my fireplace.  I placed the newspaper balls and kindling one by one, honoring through naming all the gifts of the relationship and all I have learned.  I lite the fire.  I blew at the embers to watch the flame rise, now naming what I will miss most.  And I as I watched the flame consume the wood, with tears moving me to new places, I recalled what I would not miss.  And as I tended to the fire, I remember all the moments that I loved, log by log, crackling sound by crackling sound, these memories will live in me forever.  And when I let the flame burn it’s self out, I found myself in gratitude for what was and willing to uncover what may emerge next.

What if we did this in relationship?  What if we honored each other and relationship in this way?  What if we could have a complete seeing of the good, the bad, the neural in our relating to another.  When a relationship changes, we have an opportunity to meet the change, wouldn’t it be amazing if we did so?  What could be discovered about ourselves, the other, and about the world around us? The trees, the oceans, the stars are all constantly modeling relationship change in a natural way.  What can we learn from them?  Is it not our rite, our human nature, to find our way in this passage in a way that reveals our gifts and brings us forth to show up in this world in all the ways we can?

We Need You.

This week we have been ushered into a new presidency.  Despite where you lie on the political spectrum, our nation is entering the unknown.  We do not know what the era of Trump will bring, nor do we truly know how long it will last. It is likely that the events that follow this election will continue to challenge us and hopefully open us up; because it is more than clear that Trump is like no other president our nation has seen before.  Thus, as a nation, we are in a Rite of Passage, here, now, and collectively.  What we know has ended and the unknown begins.

This is an opportunity for us to show up.  The three stages of initiation have started; we are severing from what we know and entering the threshold process.  What will be revealed in this time we must take with us to incorporate something new to the world.  This is how a person, a people, a nation grows. 

This week began with the celebration of MLK, a man and a symbol embodying the civil rights movement.  I recall his dream for our nation, his actions both light and dark in nature, how he was so human as he spoke for humanity.  And with him I could not help but think of all the civil right movement leaders, Malcolm X, Harvey Milk, Betty Friedan, the list goes on.  And in this remembering of great leaders, I wondered who are our great leaders moving us forward.  It is in these interesting times, these times of threshold, that leaders are revealed.  In these times of self-reflection that the question of “What am I capable of?”  or “What can I do?” arise and bring forth all parts of ourselves to be a part of this world.  We need you.  This week ended with an inauguration of a president that brings two important questions to the forefront; 1. How will a national movement be brought into motion? and 2. What is our belief about leadership? 

We need leaders and focus at times like this.  Where are our MLK’s, Harvey Milk’s, Betty Friedan’s?  Where are those who stand behind such important voices in solidarity? We need you in all the ways you can show up, the leader of something or the person supporting that leader, the followers that truly create the movement.  The ego must be moved aside in these times for a great purpose to be met.  This is an invitation. What calls you?

Why is Rites of Passage important?

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Transitions are hard.

I would leave it at that, but this idea is so foreign that it needs more explanation.  We all go through so many life phases changes; the most obvious one is adolescence to adulthood, but there is also the movement in and out of relationships, into and out of careers, parenting and empty-nesting, retirement, moving locations, grieving a huge loss (of a person or way of life).  The maxim, “the only constant is change” gets tossed around as if we can somehow just manage it.  But, gosh darn it, it’s hard!

Humans are pretty amazing, we find our way in moving through these changes.  We feel these challenges deep inside us, on a soul level. We may find ourselves on this unavoidable path of change craving ways to mark it.  Lacking options, we find ourselves turning to anger and aggression to others, alcohol or drug use, high speed and reckless driving, hiding in a dark room watching Netflix for as many hours of the day as possible, meeting and trusting untrustworthy strangers to guide us toward something, inflicting some form of pain just to feel something, judging others, attempting suicide etc.  We want, so badly, the outside world to reflect the big changes happening on the inside.  Unfortunately, we turn to these things mostly because we have lack readily available ways create meaningful experiences that acknowledge our life changes. 

What we are really seeking are ways for these shifts to be acknowledged by those around us; and even more, we want the ordeal of the situation to reveal to us what we are truly capable of, we want to reveal who we are, to give us purpose for continuing on.   It is the job of those who have been through these passages to help others through their unique passage, to encourage their knowing of themselves and abilities to make it through even the most challenging of times, toward a continually growing whole sense of Self.  This is important for the development of a person, the creation of a community, and the evolution of the world.  When sitting with change, we have an opportunity to be ushered into a new life in a healthy way.

Everyday, A New Year’s Resolution

Every time the year turns, we think, I’ll try something new.  Maybe it’s a new exercise regimen or diet, maybe it’s a noble effort to take up a new interest like playing an instrument or doing art, maybe it’s an intention to be more giving or relaxed.  But let’s face it, more often than not we set our goals for the New Year and we fall short, giving us a very valid reason to judge and be disappointed in ourselves.

I have given up on the new years resolution idea.  Instead, I have taken on more regular intention setting for the changing of my everyday Self.  Every morning, I wake up a different person because everyday I gain another layer of experience that impacts the way I am in the world.  As it is meant to be.  How can I expect to hold the same intention in the same way for a whole 365 days?  This does not acknowledge that I am human, and even more it does not acknowledge my very human nature to change based on the season within me.  Do we hold the cottonwood tree to it’s green leaves?  Or the large rock to it’s warm seat? 

Everyday, the wind and the weather of the day changes us.  I wake up to mark a threshold everyday, and to meet the trees who have also changes from the previous days weather.  Everyday, I walk past a local park’s arch way, in a ceremony I actively partaking in, I set an intention for: compassion or peace or honesty or presence, whatever it is that I know I need that day (lately, it’s been an intention for positivity).   And I tell every tree with a touch, this is my intention, knowing they are my witness and that I will be accepted in my process of learning to live into it no matter what.  I cross the archway back home and I hold this brief time in nature as I move through the day. Knowing tomorrow, I may need another intent to guide me.  Acknowledging that we are always changing, we can hold our every-changing human nature with truth, celebrating all we do to meet ourselves and live into who we are and the purpose of our lives.

7 Ways to Connect to Nature in 5 Minutes or Less

More and more it feels like there is not enough time.  In the last month, I found myself sitting with big life questions and craving deeply for a community to hold me.  Even more, I found that I was seeking to witness others in their lives: what questions might my friends be holding, what trials are they living, what stories could they share that might inspire and teach me.  I began to reach out. Then the scheduling game began, the ability to find a time for connecting seemed nearly impossible.  How have we come to not have time for each other?

In addition, as I see clients, I feel aware of this emerging difficulty with boredom.  Boredom has somehow come to be the thing we most avoid and can't bare to experience. It has come to be considered a problem.  This every moment has to be scheduled thing we do, appears to be a way to manage and avoid boredom.  But Why?   What are we so scared of in the experience of boredom?  Hasn't our extremely busy-ness made us long for some time to do nothing as this point.  Have we come to judge ourselves if we do "nothing".  When and how did boredom become an enemy instead of an opportunity?...an opportunity to connect!

Around this time, I came across an article by Krista Trippett titled the Disease of Being Busy .  She writes the same questions that arouse in my frustration, need for community and for slowing down to feel into who I am:
 
How did we end up living like this? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we do this to our children? When did we forget that we are human beings, not human doings?

Whatever happened to a world in which kids [and adults] get muddy, get dirty, get messy, and heavens, get bored? Do we have to love our children so much that we over-schedule them, making them stressed and busy — just like us?

What happened to a world in which we can sit with the people we love so much and have slow conversations about the state of our heart and soul, conversations that slowly unfold, conversations with pregnant pauses and silences that we are in no rush to fill?

How did we create a world in which we have more and more and more to do with less time for leisure, less time for reflection, less time for community, less time to just… be?

Somewhere we read, “The unexamined life is not worth living… for a human.” How are we supposed to live, to examine, to be, to become, to be fully human when we are so busy?"

The problem with this is that this busy-ness creates a dynamic of feeling more and more alone and less and less connected to the world around us, but, what's wild is that we are all under some disguise that we more connected in our doing.

I have learned that in this world, creating time to connect with community and myself is a task of disproportional levels do to the busy-ness of our lives, it is the sneaking of connection to myself, my nature, my dear friend and the nature of the world around me in the brief moments between things, that I have come to cherish.  

Here are 7 ways to sneak in these brief moments of connection:

1. Look up: Our world can be so small when we are busy, the expression "nose to the grind stone" comes to mind, we focus our attention on tasks at hand, and often this requires looking down, at the ground so we don't trip in our fast pace, at the paper in hand or the computer/phone in front of us etc... I invite you to take 5 minutes or less to look up at the sky...day or night, gain perspective, notice the world is bigger than you see at any given moment.  

2. Sit on the earth:  Busy schedules tend to include being in chairs, cars, or walking about. Take some time to sit down on the earth, sitting lower slows us down and allows us to tap, however briefly, into the rhythm of nature.  When we were young we sat on the ground all the time, remember this for a moment, go outside find a good spot of soil, sand, grass, or rock and criss-cross applesauce!  Once you're down, do whatever you want!

3. Play a game of smell and find:  Speaking of being young and playful again, see if you can introduce this game into your repertoire of busy.  Go outside, this can be in your backyard, a garden, or the park down the street.  Once there, close your eyes and inhale through your nose, and notice your olfactory palette experience, notice the smell that is most intense or pleasurable or slight or interesting to you.  Then open your eyes and begin to play a game of hide and seek with the scent.  You are always it but it's super fun!

4. Close your Eyes and Listen: So you can close your eyes and smell, or you can close your eyes and listen.  We are largely visual being living a very visual oriented world, it is easy to forget our other sense as times.  So take a moment to go outside and remember you are a hearing person as well!  Listen and discovery what's around you in a different way, do the trees, wind, birds, insects make a sound?  See how long you can last without opening your eyes, live in your curiosity with sound as a way to connect to the world around you.  What's greeting you that you don't recognize with your eyes?

5. Create a spot to give to every day:  This is an activity that you can revisit over and over.  And there are so many ways to do this!  Gather some rocks or sticks or pinecones, or whatever calls to you to make it your own.  Using your found items create a space however big or small, create a border around this space so that you can find it easily again and again.  Place whatever you'd like into this space.  But the important part is to visit it daily with an offering...perhaps a flower, or an herb picked by the nearby plant, or drops of water or a new rock or acorn.  This can be your garden or just a small square at the base of tree, but the brief exchange is reciprocal and can be transformational!

6. Touch: Touch everything!  We have tons of boundaries as humans, but nature does not hold these rules.  So, go out and touch everything!  Leaves, tree trucks, bugs, flower petals, thorns, blackberries, rocks, water.  Whatever you touch you are connected to instantly!

7. Get a Dog:  (I know, this is a big commitment one, but I just had to include it as a dog owner and lover.) Dogs are not only great companions AND they are great for getting you outside!  Say what you will about them being needy creatures, and recognize that their needy-ness to go out brings you out--it's truly the gift that is of greatest benefit to you!

Research has shown that as little as 5 minutes a day outside has an incredibly huge impact on an individual.  Being outside can increase attention, elevate mood, decrease stress levels, lower blood pressure, lead to fewer headaches and illness, and greater life satisfaction.  Nature can restore us, physically, psychologically and socially.  Being busy may seem like you are living; but I encourage you to take time to connect with nature daily and see how Alive you become.

Growing in Groups

We are all just walking each other home---Ram Dass

There are vast expanses to leap across as we move through life and especially in the stage between childhood/adolescence and adulthood.  The terrain that must be traversed varies for each individual; it can be steep, rocky, smooth, slippery, deep, a narrow crevasse, or a grand canyon, it can be full of deep waters to swim or it may be a desolate desert to cross.  Skill is acquire as one moves through the terrain and faces monumental tasks of growth and development.  Some make it across the expanse unscathed, some injured, some barely clear it the first time but try and again with great success, and some don’t make it through at all and give up trying.  For those who cross and continue to cross, it is the community that supports the process, those that surrounds them and holds them in the leap, witnesses the aloneness of the jump and catches them on the other end with great encouragement.

The significant developmental shift during this time is the movement from one frame of reference to another; the frame of family shifts in importance as one moves toward valuing peers.  The very nature of groups coming together is to provide context in which one can begin to establish and increase a sense of their own identity as well as navigate way to being effective in the world.

As one moves through these expanses, it is important to remember that we cannot do it alone, we need each other.  Nature mirrors this for us:  Birds and fish move together for protection; elephants, lions and monkeys care for each other and each others’ young supporting and witnessing each other in growth; wolves hunt together in pacts, strategizing, completing and celebrating their tasks; ants communicate and create intricate systems of structure through understanding the unique role each plays in the greater community, often accomplishing pursuits 100x their size;  the forest needs all the animals, insects and plants within it to maintain is healthy ecosystem; and dolphins assemble in play as well in holding each other during difficult times, they even have been known to offer help to other species in distress, namely humans, they have a remarkable ability to empathize, creating complex social bonds.  Humans have and thrive in these ways of community too.

We are not only our family system, we are part of a greater system and we begin to learn this as early as 10-14 years old.  This is when the shift away from family and the movement toward relying and focusing on peers begins.  At this time a young person is able to learn to rely on their feelings, thoughts and reactions in relationships with peers that are experiencing similar feelings, thoughts and reactions during an time of physical, cognitive and emotional change.  Young teens share their experiences with those who are in a similar stage to know the similarities and difference of this transformational phase of life.

As adolescence continues, we grow more and more peer-oriented, establishing out identity and way of being in the social world.  We move toward individuation from the family system and look toward peers and adults other than parents for signs and clues as to what and who he/she wishes to become.  During this time, more intimate relationships and dating occur, providing an opportunity to explore differences with intensity and focus.  This helps us cultivate identity and character as our relationship with peers and family become more stable, complex, intimate, and reciprocal in our developing understanding of gains and losses.

Group processes provide a vehicle for struggling teens and young adults to be ushered through these huge and complex life phase tasks.  In this process, each person can lean into the natural tendency to look toward peers and other adults about who they are, what’s important to them, what they offer as a gift to the world and how to engage in living their unique lives.

As a facilitator of group process, it is a privilege and honor to create an environment for safe exploration of thoughts and feelings and ways to express oneself effectively.  In group processes, teens can find their way in meeting and resolving conflicts, setting boundaries, learning to value Self and others, building trust, speaking truths, establishing meaningful relationships and to develop a capacity for intimacy.  Furthermore, this is a place for leaning into the difficulties and scary places of our inner world with confidence in the ability to be seen, heard and valued.

The journey across this vast abyss is one of extraordinary change, growth, and self-discovery; this journey is not devoid of pain and confusion, yet it is ultimately a journey worth celebrating.  In the process of learning of and becoming our true selves, it is the group that surrounds us, which powerfully holds us to who we are meant to be and what we are meant to live.

Check out Oaks Counsel's group offerings.

#oakscounsel  #teens  #groups  #teengroups #adolescence  #youngadults  #nature  #ritesofpassage  

Mentoring for Human Evolution

When I was a teenager and young adult, my relationships with adults guided me through the most difficult times.  I recall spending free periods in my favorite teacher's classroom chatting about the difficulties of gossip, relationships and peer pressure, when having trouble with my parents it was one of my best friend's mom who supported me through my process of individuation, and in college some of my favorite conversations were outside of the classroom with professors sharing about our lives or with my friend's parents over family weekend.  Relationships with parents are challenging during this phase of life, and supportive non-parent adults can be powerful as well as enhance the quality and course of a life. 

Researchers at the Search Institute identified supportive relationships with three or more non-parent adult role models who value a youth is essential to that youth's well-being and health.  In our every changing fast-paced technological world, which have led to vastly different parenting models and family system dynamic than just one generation ago, youth are experiencing more isolation.  Thus, young people are not forming connections with caring adults outside of the family system.  Furthermore, intergenerational contact has changed so much that it reduces the availability of caring adults while changes in economy, social and cultural conditions have increased vulnerability to challenges in life.  This is a huge loss for all people, young and old!

Mentorship is needed more than ever.  So, what is a Mentor?  The etymology of the world translates as "Wise advisor" from the Greek Mentor, advisor to Telemachus (son of Odysseus). The root of the word comes from mentos, meaning spirit, purpose, intent, passion.  Odysseus left home when Telemachus was an infant, thus Telemachus, from his youth into his twenties, was instructed by Mentor, often seen as a disguised Athena (Goddess of Wisdom, Courage, and Inspiration as well as Strength, Strategy and Skill) to gain knowledge of his father.  The stories he learns are complementary yet often contradictory.  Telemachus comes into his power when his father is truly revealed to him through Athena's guidance; only then, Telemachus begins his heroic journey, with the knowing of how how his heroic nature is ever present in him.

Telemachus through his Mentor/Athena began to understand his own strength, courage and wisdom through the learning of the world his father navigated. But he did not learn this directly through his father.  Mostly he learned this through the sharing of stories from others.  Telemachus through this story sharing experience and guidance,  integrated and developed this heroic internal Self, in order to develop more fully into who he is and live into his own unique heroic journey.

Mentorship matters!  The support and witnessing of an adult improves a sense of health and well-bing, self-image and self-worth, and sense of feeling valued and appreciated.  A mentor supports feelings of competence and accomplishment, and encourages spiritual fulfillment.  An adult in a young person's life can help that young person gain perspective and deeper insight into their experiences.  Meanwhile, mentors learn from the youth, this is how human beings evolve, through the listening to young people as they speak about the changing world, the new ideas that arise through them are imperative for our evolution.  And furthermore, mentors learn about their lives through the lives of young people.  In the sharing of stories, in the knowing someone has your back and understands you without any agenda or alter-motive, in the feeling that someone truly wants to spend time with you and embrace who you are, there is growth in all directions. There is a reciprocity and intergenerational connection that occurs and contributes to society in a very important and meaningful way.  This is what brings back a sense of how we contribute to the world, through purpose, passion, and intent!  Young people need this, Adults need this, The world needs this.

What Begins with The End

We tend to think of stories as emerging from consciousness—from dreams or fantasies—and traveling through words or images to other minds. We see them outside of us, on paper or on screen, never under the skin. But we do feel stories. We know in our gut when we’re hearing a good one—and science is starting to explain why. Experiencing a story alters our neurochemical processes, and stories are a powerful force in shaping human behavior.

. - Jeremy Adam Smith, The Science of the Story  

This week, while experiencing a particularly difficult situation, I found myself on the phone with a friend.  We took turns telling stories about what was happening in our lives at this time and then exchanging words or deep understanding and empathy.  As I shared about a struggle with relationship, the conversation shifting from the present to the past and I found myself transported into my friend's incredible world of love and loss and understanding.  

We both recognized the power of how friends respond to us during our very personal struggles, how each individual has their own particular response based largely on their own life stories as they bring those into expressions of understanding and how they offer suggestions or perspective.  

But in this exchange, first and foremost, I noticed how I could not help myself from being in her story, a story of years ago seemed to be happening for me right in that moment. Thought she was in the main character, I could not help but feel myself in that role, living the story she was speaking.  I was in awe and then tears as she continued through story.

And then, I recognized this to be the most memorable part of the conversation for me.  I cannot truly remember words or advice or morals to the story which I know came before and after the telling of the tale.  But I remember the emotion, detail and overall my personal experience of the story, which I learned from, creating my own personal interpretation and understanding.

Storytelling is a integral process in nature-based healing.  The sharing of a story when one goes on a solo walk or wilderness quest is imperative to the integration of how to move forward in life.  The hearing of what problems arouse on the Quest and how an individual rose to the occasion to solve that problem or meet that challenge, engages a part of us that FEELS and becoming present in the experience of all of ourselves.  Yes, we hear it and experience  through mirror neurons, yes, we grow emotional and our limbic system comes alive, but most of all we experience a bond with each other, the story becomes one of the collective.  Through the sharing of stories we understanding others and even more, we understand ourselves more clearly.  As the story ends, all the ways it continues to live in us begins.  Storytelling teaches us to survive in this world, learning ways to solve problems and care for each other, revealing to us how to live our purpose in this world-- learning the story of how to be compassionate, heroic, loving, mature, intentional, and a member of a community.

I am ready to learn from you story.

Everything You Think You Know Is Bogus

"The successful part of any system, is the most flexible one" -Presupposition

Very soon, I will be heading out on my Wilderness Quest for the year.  In preparation for this, I went out on a medicine walk.  As the day began, and I knew that the journey ahead was unclear to me, (I didn't even know my destination spot let alone my intention was still foggy) I grew angry, of all things.  As I prepared, packing my journal, layers and water, looking over maps and reading about trails.  I grew more and more angry.  I couldn't not find the map I knew I had bought just a couple month back and none of the online maps were clear.  And the more and more things were missing or hard to find the more and more angry I got.  I even began to throw things around my house in complete and utter frustration.  Resolving nothing, I just decided to head out, figuring I'd find my way, because looking for it wasn't working.

On my way out, I ran an errand for a friend and this was my first reprieve from the day's anger.  To be of service, to get out of myself, it lasted only a moment, what it was potent. 

Then I ventured to the National Forest Service Ranger Station.  I was seeking the Petroglyphs of Bear Valley, I had seen picture images and wished to sit with them personally feeling connection to land and the people who know this land, with deep ancestry. Knowing exactly where I wanted to go, but unable to find the trailhead on any map, I asked for help, I turned to my community members.  But alas, they too did not know. (frustration building again)  I sorted through their maps, studying them carefully to memory.  I found and bought the map that I needed.  Much later than I hoped for, I hit the road.  Parked my car and headed toward a large meadow.

The grass was as tall as I was.  The wind blew and I found myself in awe of it's oceanic waves.  But the path, that, I could not find.  I dove into the meadow regardless, thinking I would come across it at some point. After all, the map led me here.  The ground was uneven and hard to see in the tall grass, my legs taking large steps, I grew tired and hot quickly.  I climbed on top of a boulder in the middle of the meadow, in hopes the height would provide insight as to where the trail was.  There was no such luck.  My anger grew inside me as one thing after another did not work out.  I began my ceremony, crossing the threshold on that boulder, marking the intention of stepping into my adulthood more fully. With all I had learned over the years,  I wished to release the ways depression and anxiety overcame me and move more confidently into know myself and holding myself to offer my gifts to the world. 

I never found the path that day.  The map, I consulted often, continue to lead me astray.  I trudged through what felt like an endless field of tall grass, noticing my anger and the the magnificent beauty in ever other moment.  "Why can't I find my way?"  "Wow, the grass is so soft between my fingers."  "I am so tired from all this difficult walking."  "The swallows have this beautiful blue coloring as they dive for their meal and sometimes dance with a mate."  I even began walking up and down route 20 to seek out any sort of sign for this trail, alas, finding a sign the size on my palm, but upon following its marker, I found no trail of any sort.

I threatened giving up, longing for the creature comforts of food (my stomach grumbling from the fast), company (a good distraction from this madness or at least a companion in it) and shelter (a good bed after all that wild terrain.)  Though I knew, at this point, I had past the point of no return.  I wandered more and more.  Finally thinking that I would return to a trail I knew well, despite the arduous journey up a bumpy dirt road, meeting deer* along the way, reminding me to be gentle with myself.  And yet again, I am stopped in my tracks, 5.75 miles up this road, a truck stuck in the mud sideways across the road. I began to ask myself again and again, what is this day about?  The truck got out of the mud with a little help, and I found myself on top of a snowy mountain, no trails to be found yet again.  I sat in a tree, suffering the wind and cold.  Until, I decided, no, this is not my offering, this struggle is no longer me, as I mark my adulthood, I mark my ability to make choices that feel good for me and help me live my truth.

Down the arduous dirt road I went.  Seeking another trail along the way, and over and over, I could not find one.  Tired and with everything in me giving up, I found myself along a lake by the side of the road, populated with people, which would have angered me just hours ago, but didn't because I lost all energy for anger. I sought out a little corner of the shoreline, and all of me surrendered. 

I took rest for the first time all day.  Watching the waves of the lake as the day grew old, in the remembering of the meadow's waves in the morning hours.  I watched mallard ducks glide across water, take flight, meet their flock and call out, all in the symbolism of finding comfort in your element.*  I watched a lady bug* rotate in her circle, cleaning her antenna or just getting comfortable.  A dragonfly* nymph, using my finger as his seat, spent a long while with each other, watching the waves of the lake change with the breeze.  

Then children came to play just 100 feet away.  Loudly creating their game as they went on.  Each child declaring new rules and the others quickly and easily complying as they collected branches twice their height.  I laughed at my intention.  Thinking of the anger that lingered through my day, and how my rigidity contributed to it so.  How my greatest medicine was to move away from the adulthood I so wished to intentionally mark a new beginning of, and embrace the child.  The changing of the game and adapting to what is.  To let go of the map of the trail that is meant to be so clearly marked, to release any diagram of where and what things are, for which, in life, there really is none.  

I can so effortfully move through life to try to get somewhere I think I should be, or I can sit by the lake, be in the senses of the child, knowing that every place of being is wonderful.  Perhaps I did not sit in the most perfect spot for that rigid part of me, yet the perfection met me.  Medicine received.  Everything I thought I knew is bogus!  So begins the new rules to the game I am making up as I go; and the best thing I can do, rather than grow angry, is accept it, pick up my giant branch and carry on enjoying the spontaneous adventure of life!

Five years ago, I had a map, and the more I tried to stay on the path the more I found myself off of it, in a field or overgrown grass, needing to trust my instincts in choosing a direction and creating my own path.  Is it the task of growing up and into myself.  

What do you do when you find yourself in a pathless field of tall all-encompassing grass?
 

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Totems:
*Deer totem shows one a new innocence and freshness in life. You will feel the gentle lure of new adventures. There will be an opportunity to express the gentle love that will open new doors. 

*Duck totems are symbols of feminine energy, emotional comfort through water connection, remind us to drink deeply from the waters of life, to find comfort in your element and with those of like mind and spirit, to maneuver the waters of life with grace and comfort, and teaches us to assist others in moving through emotional tangles.  

*Ladybug animal totem heralds a time of luck and protection in which our wishes begin to be fulfilled. Their presence signals a time of shielding from our own aggravations and pests. Higher goals and new heights are possible with a Ladybug totem. Worries begin to dissipate. New happiness comes about. Ladybug also cautions not to try to hard or go too fast to fulfill our dreams. Let things flow at their natural pace. In the due course of time, our wishes will all come true. 

*Dragonfly totem are symbols of Illusion, the Power of Light, inhabiting two realms: air and water. Dragonfly is the essence of the winds of change, beckons one to seek out the habits that need change. Dragonfly guides one through the mists of illusion to the pathway of transformation..
 

Find a Way to Feel Awe Daily

 "Brief experiences of awe redefine the self in terms of the collective and orient our actions toward the interests of others.....Momentary experiences of awe stimulate wonder and curiosity."- Dacher Keltner

Experiencing Awe is important for the human psyche.   Through what is experienced as awe may be different depending on who you are.  There is something profoundly important that happens in this experience no matter who you are.  We begin to define ourselves in ways that ignite our connection to a larger world, a community, and a life-inspiring system.  And we even grow kinder and develop curiosity (in my opinion, one of the best qualities to hold).  Studies even how that experiencing awe daily, effects our immune system!  How incredible is that?  And all this had long lasting effects in a human's life!

Thus, I invite and encourage you to go out into the world, turn your awareness on to what inspires you!  Let go of the technology and running around working on something and go see the way children play, or stand looking up at a canopy of trees, or watch the river flowing with full force, go to an art museum or watch someone perform a dance.  Find ways that nourish your hunger for awe!  (Once you get started, you will notice they are not too difficult to find.)  You can even make a game of it, aim for 3 awes a day and let's see what happens. 

The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper. --Yeats

http://www.dailygood.org/story/1305/why-we-feel-awe-dacher-keltner/